Disclaimer: I am alive.
Best advice I have received so far while living here "Never trust a fart in West Africa"
So, lets start from the beginning. Ryan came home last week not feeling so hot. Queasy tummy, dizziness, etc... Full decontamination mode was put into place. Sent straight to quarantine. Do NOT pass go, do NOT collect $200. He was feeling better soon after. (My effective protocols help, clearly.)
Then the weekend hits. I get to sleep in to the epic hour of seven to my kid hurling in the living room. ::le sigh:: ok. He says he feels fine. His favorite excuse is "its bc i was too hot", he can be adorable. We continue about our day. Went out to run some errands. Got some ice cream. Kid doesn't say a thing. Woot woot, we are in the clear. Lets go out to lunch! We wanted to check out this Korean place in our neighborhood that many people have recommended. We don't currently have a car, and the embassy does provide us with a ride when ever and where ever we want, but we figure its right around the corner, we can make the trek. After and uneventful walk to the restaurant, we sit down and order food. And then the spew happens again out of the little one. But this time, its Bubble Gum Ice Cream. Like, ew. Many of y'all know, I DO NOT DO PUKE. And ice cream puke takes it to a whole different level for me. You can literally be bleeding out of your jugular and laying in sewage and I will help you. But if you throw up in the process, nope. Im out. Ill call for help from waaaaay over there. So, Ryan and the waitress help clean up and i try to look like a concerned momma bear while keeping my distance. Since our food order was already in i waited for the food to go, and the boys went home. No biggie. (But look, i did something on my own again!) Get home, life is normal. No more puke. Lethargic kid, but we did give him free reign of Netflix so I think we were getting played a little bit. Turned out to be a pretty lame Saturday bc there wasn't even Army football on!
Wake up Sunday, the kid says he isn't hungry. Uh Oh. Oh no, we were just being played again. He was fine. No fever. No tummy issues. Just wanted to watch TV all day. He is good. Later that night I start to feel a little weird. Don't really think much of it. Haven't really eaten much. But maybe it was something that isn't agreeing with me. But its not *that* bad. I make myself some probiotic peppermint tea and go to bed.
Monday morning. Holy Moly, what is happening in my belly??! There isn't much in there but everything is coming out! And I mean, it started as soon as I opened my eyes. I don't remember much of Monday except sleeping and the bathroom. Jacqueline was here, and she knew something was up. I couldn't keep anything down or in. It was awful. Ryan comes home and I tap out and head to bed. Not a lick of sleep happened that night.
::HERE IS YOUR THIRD WARNING::
I literally shit the bed about four times. Took four showers. Changed my clothes too many times to count. Now that i think about it, I should have just slept in the bathtub. I was hot. I was cold. I was nekked. I was wearing a freaking parka. WHAT IS DOING THIS TO ME?!! I have not put an ounce of anything into my body SO WHY IS SO MUCH COMING OUT?!! I was dizzy. But I did have my nurse maid, LuLuBird, right by my side. She is so good to me. No matter what she always wants the pets. She has since been decontaminated,
And bc we don't have a shipment yet, we don't have extra sheets. I used every clean linen in the house. All the while my boys are sleeping away. (By the way, I was in quarantine at this point so Ryan was in another bed. He was not objectified by my bodily fluids)
Finally the sun comes up and I can make everyone else in the house miserable with me. I email the Health Unit, they can get me in ASAP. Ryan orders me a motor pool. Sweet. But wait. Its like a minimum 30 minute drive to the embassy. Am I going to make it??!! Am I going to scar this poor driver for life by ruining his car?!! I guess this is a chance that i have to take.
::phishu:: I make it to the HU. No accidents. But it was just in time. A little diagnostics. Vitals. Pooping into cups. Puking. Im sure I spread my germs where ever and everywhere. But these people are FABULOUS. Zofran and an IV.
Im finally feeling a little better. Then comes the gatorade. At this point I am the most thirsty I have ever been in my entire life, but I am terrified to drink anything. (maybe its rabies!) Just looking at that yellow liquid gave me the chills. And the flashbacks. (I was doing pretty well at this point. 1 hour with not having to use the bathroom!!) I had to take two sips. And that was it. Right back to the bathroom I went. PLEASE JUST MAKE THIS STOP?!! Well, the only way to make this stop is to drink the gatorade and the meds. And I had to do it. And I did it. And it stopped, eventually. And then they made me eat. I couldn't go home til I drank and ate. Painful to say the least. But, again. I did it. 9 hours in the health unit. With the best of the best Ouaga has to offer. Seriously people, the Health Unit staff here is amazing. I got to meet them all ! Every.single.one.
While I am trying not to poop, we get the diagnosis. Im thinking. Tape worms! Malaria! DYSENTERY!
What my actual tombstone would look like.
Nope, none of the above. I have cryptosporidium. A damn parasite.
IN MY BELLY!!
You can get it anytime, anywhere. It is everywhere, but very common around here. Maybe something I ate wasn't washed well. Perhaps it was from a handshake. I was doing some research and it can even live in chlorinated water. I betcha those fuckers are living it up in my pool right now. Im gonna get them. KILL THEM ALL. Bc I do not wish this on my own worst enemy. It was bad. Embarrassing. Downright painful. But I am bouncing back. I have had toast this morning, and wasn't afraid to eat it! I slept better last night than I did the night before, and my sheets were CLEAN!
I thought I had it rough the last time we were in West Africa. ( I am sure I mentioned it in an earlier blog post) I picked up a bug of some sort some where between Cote D'Ivoire and Ghana. Took it back to Morocco with me, but it wasn't this bad. NO WHERE NEAR.
So, I hope I have not deterred your future travels to West Africa. I heard its a right of passage to shit your pants at least once while here. I guess Im home now.
Sounds horrible! Glad you all of you are better.
ReplyDelete